Rage Against the Forwards


 

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Written during the age of email forwards being the biggest annoyance, this article will be updated to include newer sources of annoying memes.

 

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Rage Against the Forwards!

From mokonutt@hotmail.com

Sick of annoying memes? SO AM I!!! I created a little note in retaliation against stupid virals. Enjoy!

CONGRATULATIONS!!! You are one of the luckiest people in the world! You see, you are one of the VERY FEW people to see this SPECIAL note...it's equipped with a tracking device that will record your email address and social network information. In just days you will be receiving $1,000,000 dollars!!!

Okay, okay. So there isn't REALLY a tracking device attached to this note...see it was really started by this big corporation. Yeah. A RICH big corporation. They're so rich, they hired a PSYCHIC who, just by merely touching the screen, can tell them who this very note has been sent to...and send them $1,000,000!!!

You're not believing that, huh? Alright fine. I'll tell you the REAL purpose of this note. You see, right now in Ethiopia, 23 children are dying of hunger. Now, I know that 23 doesn't seem like very many...but when you consider the present population of Ethiopia, 23 kids is like 75% of their total population! But there is hope, and you can help. By sharing this note, you will automatically be donating enough money to feed 23 Ethiopian children for a whole week! Isn't that amazing? And it's free of charge! How does this remarkable technology work? I don't know! But trust me, it does!!!

Alright, not believing that one either, huh? Well I wasn't gonna tell ya this...but it seems that I have to resort to my last resort (hey, it's what it's there for, right?). I have a very tragic story to tell you. It's so tragic, that this note is being sent along in the hopes that enough people will read it to be warned and protect themselves against this happening to them. You see, it all started out one night when a young girl was left home alone while her parents went out to eat for their anniversary. Everything was fine and dandy until around 11PM. While the young girl was watching some mind-numbing reality TV show in the living room, a little old lady snuck in the back door of the house. Now this little old lady may have LOOKED innocent...but she was not. Oh no. First, the little old lady stole all of the brownie mix out of the pantry. Then, she proceeded to stuff her girdle FULL of all the household cleaning products. How scandelous! Finally, she tiptoed into the living room, grabbed the young girl, and tied her up. Well what would you do if a little old lady had just grabbed you and tied you up? You'd scream to high heaven is what you'd do! And so the girl screamed...and screamed...and screamed...until finally the little old lady's hearing aid bust and she couldn't take the screaming anymore. So the little old lady whipped out her travel cheese grater and skinned the poor girl alive. Before she left the house, she hung the young, skinless girl from the dining room chandelier. Tragic, isn't it? Now, the point of telling you this story was for you to share it with EVERYONE you know so that they won't leave their young children alone in the house while their gone...or they may be hanging from the chandelier when they get home.

Okay, okay. It's true... That story is bull.

The real point of this note was to tell you what a wonderful, caring, loving, and amazing friend you are. Y'know, flatter you until you become overly conceited and all. Here's a little poem I wrote JUST for you!

roses are red

violets are blue

you're my best friend

I BETTER BE YOURS TOO!

No?

Okay people. Obviously, the point of this note is to get you to stop re-sharing stupid memes. Actually, most of my ideas came directly from the stupid memes you have been sharing and re-sharing..so now you see the reason for my note. And I know that some of you HAVEN'T ever shared a stupid meme at all, as far as I've seen...but I made it available to you anyway for you to use against the people in your life who polute cyberspace with more copies of stupid memes. Besides...I just thought it was kinda humorous =). Well anyways, for those of you who have spread stupid memes in the past (you KNOW who you are!) here is what will happen to you if you DARE to share YET ANOTHER meme of any kind:

If you ever spread another meme of any kind, you will definitely regret it. If you attempt to get around my threat by using an email or social network profile I don't know...I will be forced to employ the services of the psychic from the big rich corporation to hunt you down. Once I determine the culprit of this horrible crime...I will stab you repeatedly with a fork until you die, skin your body with a MOLDY cheese grater, and turn you over to the evil little old lady who will feed your dead corpse to the starving children in Ethiopia.

Now, as much as I know you like helping the poor...I really don't think you'd enjoy that, would you?

And if you believe that, it explains how you always get taken in by garbage chain letters.

What I will do is come back on you with a decidedly unfriendly attitude and you will find out exactly how I feel about people who start chain letters, and those who switch their minds off and follow them to the letter.

And you won't like it.

Well I hope I've discouraged you all from EVER sharing ANY memes...as well as humored you a bit. Hehe...bye for now!

Email: mokonutt@hotmail.com

 

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